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We Were Radar Stations

by Zoe Guigueno

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1.
You gotta thing you gotta tell you gotta tell you gotta time you gotta tell by you tell yourself you're never gonna lie won't even have to try
2.
I am the type that gives the benefit of the doubt maybe still, but I'm way more cautious now my adult life has been the product roadkill of it I was close to my parents and we lived in a bubble for many years We were happy and I was swimming in love The years of crazy started when I found my dad dead of a heart attack on our family farm and mother died four years later I was young when I married and we tried to have kids for many years I miscarried every time, and the marriage fell apart After a time I met another man I was head over heels for him I didn't know you could be so broke that you would lie and steal to get a fix you never fix the past you can't outrun the bad breaks I believed everything he told me He drug me through the mud till I had nothing I came home from the office I had worked at the same place for many years He was hanging in the hall and I never saw such a peaceful look
3.
Light under the door Yellow strip along the floor I don’t hear anything But I don’t linger long Clink in the kitchen And the sound of water running I know you’re not gonna knock And I’m not risking sayin hi Cause I wanna kiss you, it’s all I think about Climb up to the roof With a sketchbook and a pen The bodega is close I’ll be up in a few Talk while you’re drawing Skip ahead a couple songs You get some smoke in your eye Make a face, wave the smoke away 'n I wanna kiss you it’s all I think about Standing at the fridge in a white tshirt paint on your hands and your hair tied back and the sun on your neck 'n I wanna kiss you it's all i think about I wanna kiss you I wanna kiss you, it’s all I think about I wanna kiss you
4.
I was born an old soul I was never a girl I was cast in the wrong role Never had my own room we would put up a screen call the doctor when need be I met someone who was not as mean as the rest went and got me a white dress but I see now it never felt like home never was my own now I am the queen of my domain nobody's taking that away nobody's sweet talkin' me I go to the movies on my own paddle the Harrison on my days off Got a job at the wheel up each day before dawn load the trailer and tarp on pull a nine percent grade to the crest of the hill grab a half shift and gear down used to haul way up north now I do shorter runs go to sleep in my own bed cause I see now what I needed most was a real home 'n I am the queen of my domain nobody's taking that away nobody's sweet talkin' me I go to the movies with a friend paddle the Harrison on my days off
5.
December 02:55
Canadians don't make such a big deal of Thanksgiving no one's traveling far but Christmas doesn't bring my family together anymore it's easy to say it's just another day and we're not that religious anyway other folks really go all out and it's easy to make fun of them oh but you know why we make fun of people we can't do Christmas anymore because something is wrong one of us is gone and gathering without him wouldn't feel right well I don't know how other people deal with things that are so awful they're not real every night I see his face run to him with wide embrace a safe place it's easy to say it's just another day and Christmas is for children anyway
6.
Stingray 03:01
Stingray in the swimming pool someone broke a window disapproving from our barstools I'm feeling critical truckin down a dirt road I invited you but you did not wanna go stingray in the swimming pool
7.
And then the moment comes and you chicken out you put it off and put if off and put it off until it's too late it's never ever worth it and you know it well You gotta tell
8.
Firefighter 04:00
When he was six years old he saw a firetruck he knew that that's what he would be when he grew up A prairie boy, he used to drink and drive Second generation, middle child when he was 22, he knocked his girlfriend up they had a little boy, but then they soon broke up so he cut his hair, and he joined the department As the years went by, he took it all in stride His partner laughed it off when he was stabbed three times scraping mangled kids off of frozen roads responding to the same person's overdose cut a crumpled man from a deep freezer pulled a bloated boy out of the Red River so he took to drink and he isolated these are things that most of us never see these are things that most of us never see these are things that most of us never see every day he's the first one at the scene he couldn't get to sleep no matter what he tried no way to turn it off, nowhere to hide it festered in his mind but no one wants to know if you wanna be a man, then don't let it show so he tied his shoes, hit the pavement running running, running, running, running, running, running, running ..... these are things that most of us never see
9.
Jenna 03:25
Jenna it's so good to hear from you, checking in on me I been in the mountains these past weeks, staying with a friend, don't know if you know him He's teaching me the Lindy Hop we spin ‘round the kitchen in our socks and every day we go for a walk tryin' to name the leafless trees oh and Jenna, I never felt better I never felt so full of life oh Jenna, I never felt better I just wanted to write and write and write and write and write and write Jenna can you tell me what to do, I'm confused Every word he said made me get dark and I got mean and I didn't wanna be like that I told him I was going west that he and I weren't meant to last He took his glasses off and closed his book, and he didn't ask me why Oh and Jenna, well then I felt better 'n he never looked more beautiful to me Oh Jenna, not only did I feel better – but I no longer wanted to leave. I don't like taking things back – I wanna stay on track.
10.
We don't remember the details we remember how we felt we felt the fog wrap around us we couldn't see beyond our hands Is it not real, if we can't describe it? No one knows what we meant We took our shoes and socks off and listened with closed eyes we were radar stations angled toward the light
11.
I went to the place where he last said he was I guess that's where he was What did I think I'd find there I think I thought I'd feel him in the wind is that a car comin', should I put out my thumb? Or is it just the wind comin' round the bend? I talked to the people living in the town working in the town What did I think they'd tell me? I knew there'd be nothing that they could say isn't that just the way, with a thing like this even the sheriff shrugged and shook his head When you love someone they become a part of you So as long as he's missing, part of me is missing too I saw a woodpecker at work on a tree And the sun came through the branches and it formed a dome of light around me I lay down to sleep and see him in my dreams He's always in my dreams and if I am lucid this time Then I can ask him where the hell he's been Why has it been so long, when's he coming home When you love someone they become a part of you So as long as he's missing a part of me is missing too I saw a woodpecker at work on a tree And the sun came through the branches and it formed a dome of light around me
12.
Gotta Tell 03:01
You gotta thing you gotta tell you gotta tell you gotta time you gotta tell by you tell yourself you're never gonna lie won't even have to try And then the moment comes and you chicken out you put it off and put if off and put it off until it's too late it's never ever worth it and you know it well You gotta tell Playing God's not as fun as it sounds it's a heavy crown to walk around in Once you put it on, you can't put it down Until you put it down

credits

released October 13, 2022

Personnel:

Zoe Guigueno: lead vocals (all tracks), electric guitar (6, 12), nylon string guitar (11), steel string guitar (1, 3), upright bass (9-12), electric bass (2-4, 8), piano (2, 3, 5, 7, 12), Hammond D100 organ (4, 6), dreamy bells (4), waterphone (8), penny whistle (6), programming (8), midi keys (8)

Adam Iredale-Gray: vocals (9, 10, 12), electric guitar (1, 2, 4, 8-12), steel string guitar (3, 9-12) violin (7-10) programming (2, 8)

Jason Burger: drums, percussion (3, 4, 6, 9, 12)

Kelby MacNayr: drums (2, 10)

Elise Boeur: violin (10)




All songs written by Zoe Guigueno except:
Benefit of the Doubt: Zoe Guigueno & Susanna Leberman

All songs arranged by Zoe Guigueno & Adam Iredale-Gray except “December” arranged by Zoe Guigueno


Engineered, produced & mixed by Adam Iredale-Gray at Fiddlehead Studios, Mayne Island BC & Toronto ON
Additional recording in Tofino BC

Mastered by Phillip Shaw Bova
Cover art by Emma Francis
Cover design by Elise Boeur

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Zoe Guigueno New York, New York

Zoe is a Canadian songwriter and bass player living in Queens, NY.

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